Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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