I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
