considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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