Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Randomize
