i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
