Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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