need another drink. this is the easiest way
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize