I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
