I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Drunk is not a location!
Randomize
