Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
