No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
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Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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