I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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