Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
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I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
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Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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