I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
the day after is always just damage control
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
