you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
