So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
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