Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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