On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Just fell off a train. Bad.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
