Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
