im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize