I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
