Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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