STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
