Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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