??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
