OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
