once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
