i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Randomize