There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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