I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
