It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Houston, we have a blender
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
