girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
