apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
