If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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