new low.... made out with someone while peeing
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
