I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
