its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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