Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
