Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
This is the high leading the old right now
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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