she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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