he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
