you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
