what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
