guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
