i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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