i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
