So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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