are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
