So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
my poor anus
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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