So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
