you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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