weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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