I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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