Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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