oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
