I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
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