just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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