apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
