i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
