I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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