she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Randomize
