I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
