If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
