he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize