Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
