we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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