I take back everything I said about communal showers
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
