I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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