She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
