you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
did i just pee glitter
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
