gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
