Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Randomize
