is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
im six kinds of drunk right now
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Randomize
