Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone says I win the strip club
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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