Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
