My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
my liver is dry heaving
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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