This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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