I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
