Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
