What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
