new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
please don't ironically join a cult
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